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Fat Ben Must Be Stopped

Like Ryan Gosling, Fat Ben must be stopped.

It's a comparison that falls at the first hurdle. Far from setting the bar for all men at an unattainable height, Fat Ben is fighting for the opposition. The lower the bar, the better we all look, right?

As in "The Tale Of The Factory", I was at somewhat of a flashpoint. In the deep recesses of my memory - The Factory loomed. A horrific look into what my future might have become. Long gone but a stark reminder should I ever feel myself cruising. It was a sunny day, perhaps - it makes me feel better to think it was sunny. Deciding I couldn't deal with strangers in a confined space, I forewent the lift and decided to take the stairs up to my afternoon lectureUpon reaching the top, I was shamefully out-of-breath, sweat pouring down my face, my luscious (read: thinning) locks dishevelled.

Less than twelve months later, I'd lost 32kg and rocked a three-piece suit to my best friend's wedding. Gareth Southgate has nothing on me. Except for the money. And the fame, success, intellect, a loving wife. Anyway, I also split the trousers dad-dancing to Kate Bush later on that day, but I digress. My inner-Gosling won that particular battle but the war of attrition rages on.

Fat Ben isn't only greedy, he's lazy, a procrastinator, a good-for-nothing miscreant who thrives on gluttony and self-hatred. He's part of my inner-self - perhaps even my real self - and every day is a battle to keep him oppressed. It's a battle I sometimes lose.

For the past couple of weeks, inner-Gosling has been dispirited, but, with the advent of a new month, we're getting the team back together, me and him, and sending Fat Ben packing. Here's how we'll do it:

1. Eat clean

Here are some things that Fat Ben really likes:

- Cake

- Pizza

- Chocolate

- Crisps

- Cake

- Flapjack

- Donuts

- Self-loathing

For one month, these things are out.

2. Eat breakfast

Yeah yeah yeah, this is wrapped up in 1. but the list looks more impressive if it has extra items. Breakfast is not something I'm good at, can't we just get on with the day already? Well, no, we can't, we'll make the effort and start our day right, like good people do.

3. Run. Harder, better, faster, stronger.

Three times. That's the number of times I've run in the past two weeks. This must change. Five times a week. Twenty-one times altogether. Now, how do I delete this post and forget it ever existed?

4. Blog more

Between running, not eating, eating, and thinking about eating, I will blog more. That's at least one post a week, you lucky thing.

October will see a better Ben. Well, either that, or I'll just drink my problems away.